My first opponent is Matt Hardy. He thinks he’s a real tough son of a bitch but that’s where he is wrong. I am the toughest son of a bitch in professional wrestling and I am going to stomp a mud hole in him and walk it dry. I am going to kick his ass from pillar to post and there is nothing he can do. He’s belly aching that he is going to win but really he’s not. I don’t think he has the talent to beat ol’ Stone Cold. I’ve got this match already won.
He gets up off the swinging bench and then motions for the camera to follow him. He takes a big swig of the beer and then opens the screen door to his house. The camera man follows him into the house where we see two big black dogs laying down on the ground. They get up as Steve walks into the house and Steve pets one of them on the head. The dogs sniff the camera man as Steve Austin walks into the living room, which is to the left of them. We see that there is a black, leather couch there where Steve Austin sinks into.
Matt Hardy, you think you can beat “Stone Cold” Steve Austin? You think you can beat me? Well you can try all you want but the fact of the matter is this. I am the best wrestler in the business and you’re not. After I beat you on Warfare I am going to crack open some beers and have a beer bash. I am going to make an example out of you Matt Hardy. I am going to show the wrestling world that Steve Austin in the best and that’s just the way things go!
Steve then reaches down and opens a small fridge. He pulls out another beer and cracks it open. He then takes a sip from it. He places the beer can on the brown coffee table in front of him. He then grabs the remote for his giant television and turns it on. After flipping through the channels, realizing that there isn’t anything interesting on, he shuts off the television. We then see one of his dogs come into the room and jump up on the couch. Steve pushes him off the couch and then continues on with his promo.
Matt Hardy, you’re a great wrestler. There ain’t denying that but you’re not “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. You can wish all you want you sorry son of a bitch but wishing ain’t going to get you anywhere. I am going to make you look like a damn fool. I am going to make you look like the idiot that you are. Matt Hardy, you punk, you are going to get your ass handed to you. I have more talent in pinky finger than you have in your whole body. You can study video of me all you want but it isn’t going to help you!
Steve then gets up again. He takes his beer with him and walks out of the living room. The camera follows him as he walks down the back hallway. Once he walks down the back hallway, he opens the door to his backyard. He then steps outside. We see that the sun is really beaming down on him. The camera pans the backyard where we see a giant pool complete with diving board. He finds a white lawn chair where he sits down in. He then motions for the camera to zoom in on him and he then continues to speak.
Matt Hardy, I am going to send you to the hospital. When you step into the ring with me your ass is going to be beat so bad that you will go straight to emergency by ambulance. I’ve been in the business for a really long time and I’ve seen them come and go. I know a punk when I see one and you are nothing but a punk! Steve Austin is going to walk in to that ring at Warfare and beat your ass from pillar to post. It’s going to be fun, I can not wait.
Steve gets up and sits down on the edge of the pool. He places his bare feet into the water and wiggles them around in the pool. You can clearly see that pool is well taken care of because the water is crystal clear and you can see the bottom of the pool. Steve takes the beer and brings it to his lips again and takes another sip of it. The camera goes to the left of him and zooms in on his face. Steve takes off his hat and sets it beside him before continuing on with his promo.
You know some of you may call me a little rusty. Maybe I am, I haven’t been in the ring for a little while but I know once I get back in there it’ll be like riding a bike. I am going to jump in that ring and when that bell sounds it’s going to be me beating your sorry ass up. I am “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, the toughest son of a bitch in this whole promotion.
Steve then takes his feet out of the water and stands up. He removes his shorts, revealing a pair of blue bathing suit. He takes a big swig of his beer and then finishes it off. He takes the beer can and crushes it with his hand. He then makes his way to the diving board on the other side of pool. He walks down the diving board to the very edge. He then bounces on it a few times before jumping into the pool. The camera zooms in as he makes his way from under the water to the surface.
He then swims over to the shallow end of the pool. He makes it to the side of the pool. The camera zooms in on his face and he smiles a half smile. He then dives under water and comes back up again. He wipes the water from his eyes. He then makes his way to the ladder and climbs out of it. He walks over to the side where his plain blue towel is waiting for him. He then begins to towel himself off before continuing on with his promo.
I am going straight to the top and I am going to be champion. I am going to sit at the top of the mountain with my belt and my ice cold Steveweisers and I am going to be at the top of that mountain for a long time. There isn’t anyone who can stop me and that’s because I am the best in that ring. Matt Hardy, you beady eyed goof, I am going to slap the taste out of your mouth. I can’t wait. The time is ticking down Matt Hardy. You hear that? It’s almost time for us to step into the ring.
He then sits down on the lawn chair and stretches his legs out. He gets up and wraps the towel around his waist as water begins to drip on the wood deck. He gets up and wipes the water off his legs. He then walks away from the pool and back to the house. He opens the door to the house and steps inside. He then makes his way to the stairs and walks up the steps. The camera follows him all the way to the top. He opens the door to his bed room and begins to get dressed. He then continues to speak.
I know you won’t be able to sleep because you are nervous about facing me. That’s normal. When you’re facing someone like Stone Cold, it’s normal to be a yellow bellied punk. I can’t wait to hit you with that Stunner and hear all the fans go crazy. It’s just a matter of time before that happens. It’s just a matter of time. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin is going to go down as the best wrestler in this entire promotion and have a hall fame worthy career. Everyone will know my name.
Once he is completely changed he makes his way down the stairs again and to the kitchen. Once in the kitchen he opens the fridge and pulls out a big bottle of cold water. He twists off the top and takes a big sip of it. He then walks back outside from the front door and sits back down on the swinging chair. Now cooled off from the hot Texas sun, he takes a sip of water and then rocks a bit, back and forth on the chair. He motions for the camera to zoom in on him and then continues on with his promo on Matt Hardy.
Matt Hardy, say goodbye to your wrestling career because I am going to end it. You’re going to be famous though, I am going to make you famous. You’re going to be the first victim of the Stone Cold Stunner. EBWF is going to come unglued when I step into the ring with you Matt Hardy. I don’t think this promotion is ready for “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.
He gets up once again and walks inside his house. The camera man follows him back inside. He goes to the kitchen and grabs some beef jerky. He takes a big bite from it and chews it up. He then takes a sip of water to wash down the taste. He then motions for the camera to zoom in on him and he continues on with his promo on Matt Hardy.
Now before I leave you I am going to give you some parting words. Kiss your sorry ass goodbye. Say goodbye to your brother Jeff and your parents. That’s the last time they are going to see you because when “Stone Cold” Steve Austin is through with you, you’ll never want to show your face again. And that’s the bottom line, because Stone Cold said so!
The scene then fades to black.