Last Resort

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Cory
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Last Resort

Post by Cory » Mon Dec 02, 2019 10:37 pm

EBWF.net Exclusive

The EBWF exclusive promo opened up backstage in the Bon Secours Wellness Arena in Greenville, South Carolina. Randy Orton was standing by outside his locker room which distinctly had a Rated RKO logo emblazoned on it, instead of the standard one that had just his name. Probably a good indicator of what was about to go down.

Voice That's Definitely Not Charly Caruso: Excuse me, Randy?

Randy looked towards his right as the camera panned out to reveal Adam Copeland, more commonly known as Edge. He was wearing his traditional Rated R Superstar shirt and jeans, his hair underneath a pair of aviators that were resting on the top of his head.

Edge: Do you have time for an interview from an aspiring journalist?

Randy cocked an eyebrow and smirked, shifting the Gateway Championship to his other shoulder and clasping Edge on the shoulder with his free hand.

Randy Orton: I always have time for the press. Especially since none of the other correspondents will work with me, and you're literally my last resort.

Edge: OK, ouch. But good to know. Randy, let's get down to the most important thing, since Hardcore Holly hasn't been an important news item since 1997. Randy the last time we saw you, you had a chair wrapped around your head and you were laid out like a bag of garbage in the middle of the ring.

Randy Orton: Bit of a hurtful analogy, but alright.

Edge: How are you feeling after that ass kicking?

Randy Orton: A lesser man would still be in traction, Edge. But I'm Randy Orton and this is pro-wrestling, so here I am.

Edge: Do you have any idea who the assailant might be?

Randy Orton: Well, the unfortunate reality of being Randy Orton is that sometimes my personality tends to rub people the wrong way, so there's never a shortage of brave warriors who do their business after somehow managing to get the lights in the arena to turn off. But to answer your question Edge, no I haven't found out who my attacker is. I don't think I have to tell you what is going to happen once I do, though.

Edge: Well it's no surprise that as the Gateway Champion you will undoubtedly attract attention.

Randy Orton: Call me crazy, but I don't think this is a guy that's interested in the championship. Whatever it is, it felt pretty personal. But that's alright. After all was said and done, I walked out on my own two feet. When it gets to be my turn, I'm not going to miss my shot like this person did. When I find out who it is, that guy is not walking out like me.

Edge: We touched on it earlier, but lets circle back to Hardcore Holly, since you have a match with him tonight. I wanted to ask you an important question. What are your thoughts on wrestlers that perform 22 years past their prime?

Randy Orton: Wait, who are we talking about here?

Edge: Hardcore Holly, you dick.

Randy smirked and gave Edge a shrug.

Randy Orton: Just checking. The answer Edge is that I don't have problem with anyone wrestling in the business no matter the age, so long as they are contributing in a significant, non-ridiculous way. For example, I beat that witless slab of beef Bobby Lashley in the Gateway Championship tournament, and even still his intern Lio Rush couldn't keep my name out of his mouth. Now the less athletic dude in that little stable is the one that wants a piece of Randy Orton. That, friend, is what I call ridiculous. This inept group of bumbling idiots couldn't lace up Matt Sydal's boots, much less mine.

Edge: On Twitter, Lio Rush said you need to think of your family before getting into the ring with a guy that was barely relevant at his peak, a time before Facebook existed. Have you moved your family to a secure location yet?

Randy Orton: Definitely. I have an underground bunker that I can relocate them to if it weren't for the fact that I'm pretty sure my daughter could beat Lio Rush in an arm wrestling contest.

Edge: That's a relief to hear. I would hate to think that your family is in danger from a roaming trio of the mentally disabled. What strategy, if any, will you employ against a 56 year old man in the ring?

Randy Orton: That's a great question, Edge. My plan is to get into the ring and wait for Hardcore Holly to make his way down the ramp. Once that's done, Holly will very likely be winded. Once the bell rings, it will be pretty easy to hit him with the three most devastating letters in pro-wrestling.

Edge: That's a terrible catchphrase, Randy.

Randy Orton: Probably need to workshop it a little more.

Edge: Well, there you have it, folks. Randy Orton is ready for his match on Warfare tonight. The EBWF Universe gets treated to an epic showdown between the longest reigning EBWF World Champion of all time in Randy Orton, and the longest reigning career of mediocrity in Hardcore Holly.

Randy Orton: You're pretty good at this, you should interview me more often.

Edge: Not a chance, Randy.

Randy Orton: Well, then. If you'll excuse me, I have to go kiss up to Renee Young before I have to start interviewing myself.

Randy patted Edge on the shoulder and walked off camera. Edge gestured as if he was straightening a tie that he wasn't wearing before looking straight into the shot.

Edge: Randy Orton vs. Hardcore Holly tonight on Warfare! Can Holly do the impossible and last five minutes without needing a respirator? Stay tuned to find out!
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