Oedo Time

[Utami]

This time it begins with a flash of white light which fills the screen. Purple and pink stars spin playfully in every corner as “Twilight Dream” is heard for the first time in eight months. Soon a single solitary figure steps into view, holding a polearm at the ready. Her heavenly white entrance robe glistens in the bright light and flows around her with every step.

Even with her hood down it’s clearly the longest reigning EBWF women’s champion of all time, Tam Nakano. After a few steps she stops and bows her head in deep thought. Then at last she pulls back the hood and reveals her recently black hair has been dyed a vibrant purple. Completing the strange return to past form is the bright and cheerful smile on her face.

TAM NAKANO: Hello to everyone in the galaxy! The Cutest Idol Wrestler in the cosmos, Tam Nakano, is here to bring joy to your hearts once again! Did you miss me?!

She holds her hands up to her chin and tilts her head cutely as the music fades out. Tam holds the trademark pose for several moments before Himeka rushes in from the right hand side. Unlike Tam, Himeka’s got her Oedo Tai ring gear on and she looks quite concerned by this turn of events.

HIMEKA: Tam, what are you doing? You took a nasty blow to the head didn’t you? Come back to us!

The larger woman seizes Tam by the shoulder and shakes her violently. Slowly the cute look on Tam’s face morphs into a cold and biting one as the spell begins to wear off. She blinks once, twice, three times as she seems to shake it off. Finally she looks up at Himeka and shakes her head.

TAM NAKANO: Whoa, that was weird. Sorry about that, I just thought that we’d gone back in time suddenly. I mean, how the hell else can you explain the fact that we’re having to fight the same battles again and again?

She rolls her eyes and then shrugs off the old entrance robe. Tam tosses it to the side like it was a piece of garbage and hefts a barbed wire covered bat in her hand. Himeka smirks and takes her spot next to Tam.

HIMEKA: You mean how we have to throw down with Liv N Bliss this week? Didn’t we already deal with them?

Tam shrugs casually at the question.

TAM NAKANO: You’d think so, but apparently they just can’t let go of the fact that they’ll never be at the level you and I are at. They can be the very best of friends and fight SO HARD to get a victory together. They can talk a big game before the fight goes down and claim that they’re going to destroy us for good or some other crap like that. They can even insist on dragging Oedo Tai into their little WarGames but it doesn’t change the facts in the end. And in the end the facts are the same as they’ve always been aren’t they Himeka?

The Jumbo Princess snorts a little as she nods.

HIMEKA: Yes they are, Tam. No matter what they say or do, the only people who pay attention to them are the admissions desks of hospitals. They spend more time being injured than actually being in the ring, and that’s not going to change either!

Tam playfully bounces the bat on her shoulder.

TAM NAKANO: That’s exactly right. Now normally we’d just laugh off the fact that they think they can stand toe to toe with Oedo Tai and call it good. But there’s more to it than that now. Little Lexie and Liv think they finally moved on from this war in January, and that just proves they’re delusional. Now I pride myself on telling things like they are, so I think it’s only fair for me to lay down the truth for the two has-beens who just keep coming out of the woodwork like cockroaches.

Suddenly the bat stops bouncing and Tam’s expression is deadly serious.

TAM NAKANO: The truth is, yes they beat Oedo Tai ONCE. They got lucky ONE time, against a weaker version of this unit, and now they think that’s the be all end all. One victory in one battle and they’re celebrating like they’ve run Oedo Tai out of the company! That makes me so sick I might just throw up. What a joke! Though I guess it makes sense that they’re so proud of themselves for that one moment; it’s the only thing either of them has accomplished in the past two years besides finding new and interesting ways to break their own bodies.

Tam rolls her eyes before she continues.

TAM NAKANO: You two are SO lucky to have survived WarGames. But the war isn’t over. You can celebrate your win all you want but Oedo Tai is still here. The two of you gave it everything you had, nearly destroyed your bodies for good, just to barely eke out a win. Since then you’ve gotten weaker, ladies. Becky Lynch has gone off to pursue her own goals and left you behind. Winter went back to the grave where she belongs. It’s just the two of you sad, broken lingering ghosts of past accomplishments drifting along. Meanwhile Oedo Tai has gotten stronger. We made sure neither of you survived Last Survivor, and I can guarantee that you won’t survive this war.

Tam licks her lips as she pauses to contemplate the carnage she’s out to unleash. Her free hand rubs the small of her back as she continues.

TAM NAKANO:
TAM NAKANO: Because on Warfare, Himeka and I are going to show you what happens to losers who think they’ve actually gotten better when it’s really just luck. From bell to bell we’re going to tear you apart limb from limb. We’re going to batter you so badly that your little friends won’t recognize you when they go to visit you in this hospital AGAIN. I wonder how hard it’ll be to break Alexa’s ribs again? Can’t be too difficult after how many times she’s been hurt. But I don’t even need to break her bones to destroy her.

Tam lowers her free hand.

TAM NAKANO: No, the look on her face after she fails to beat us no matter what tricks she pulls out of her bag will be plenty. The shattered confidence. The despair as she realizes that even with everything she’s done and all the things she’s been through and all the hard work she’s done, Tam will STILL be undefeated against her. That’s going to be plenty enough to break her spirit. Of course, after what she did to me, I’m going to hurt her worse than she’s ever been hurt before. Sure it’s a bit excessive but it’s only fair that she suffers for daring to fly close to the sun and draw the Final Boss’ blood.

Tam smiles wickedly as she imagines all the things she’s going to do to Alexa. Himeka takes the opportunity to speak up.

HIMEKA: And Liv? Other people think you’re just a sidekick who doesn’t stand out on her own. They think that’s what I am too. I’m going to prove that there IS a difference between us. You’re nothing more than what people think you are - you just hang on to more successful friends and get opportunities because of who you know. I’m the strongest woman in Oedo Tai and all of EBWF. I let myself settle for less than I could be in the past, but now that I’m in Oedo Tai I’m not limited by the ego of a queen or the puppy love of a failed empress. And I’m going to snap you in half for trying to defy Oedo Tai. Jamie and Rhea are strong, but the Jumbo Princess is more dangerous than either of them. Enjoy your punishment, Liv, and then go ahead and find someone else to buddy around with. Oedo Tai will be moving on to better things after we destroy you tonight.

Tam and Himeka share big smiles before the leader looks down the camera again.

TAM NAKANO: Rebel all you want, but in the end you’re nothing more than insects who need to be squashed underfoot once and for all. Neither of you could beat me before I embraced who I was. What hope do you have now that I’ve got my family with me? You too are footnotes to recent history. I’m the greatest champion in EBWF history. I’m the Final Boss, and Oedo Tai are my sisters. Deny it all you want, defy us if you can, but in the end the result is the same. You may hate us -

Tam and Himeka hold their fists out and grin.

TAM/HIMEKA: But you’ll never be better than us!