Followers of Sting's rarely-used YouTube channel were greeted with a chime and a notification - "New Video For You: "In Which Our Hero Receives and Makes a Pretty Big Phone Call." Upon opening it, they're greeted with the following...
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The scene fades in on a nice clean kitchen countertop, upon which are laid out a display of ingredients - a handful of spinach, a sliced banana, a dish of frozen strawberries, a carton of unsweetened coconut milk, and a container of vanilla bean Orgain vegan protein powder. A man steps into the frame, facing away from the camera, while we see over his left shoulder. Longish gray hair barely covers the balding top of his head, while a fully grown white Papa Smurf beard adorns his face. He begins placing the items, one-by-one, into the upright blender cup of a NutriBullet. The spinach. The banana. The strawberries. 2 scoops of Orgain. And finally, he fills the cup carefully to the "max" line with the coconut milk. He picks up the blade attachment, pausing for a split second to inspect it, making sure the dishwasher had done its job the night before. He spins the blade attachment onto the cup, tips it over, and screws it into the base.
WWWWWHHHHHHHRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
He picks the cup up and shakes it a bit, making sure all the ingredients have been properly liquified. Finding the concoction to his approval, he pulls a fresh Blender Bottle out of his cupboard and transfers the mixture. After rinsing the NutriBullet cup and blade in the sink, he picks up the bottle and finally turns to face the camera. The grizzled old face of Steve Borden, now 65 years young, takes a satisfied look at his shake and begins to lift it to his mouth. That is, until he's interrupted by a phone call.
"He was a sk8ter boi, she said 'see ya l8ter boi'..."
People still had personalized ringtones in 2025? And a man of 65 instinctively bopping his head to Avril Lavigne? You know what they say is the only thing that's for sure about Sting, right? He sets his bottle down, leans back against the counter, and answers the call, raising the phone to his ear.
SB: Hey kid. What's up?... Ah, that's cool, man. Wait.. did-- did you say Mount Everest? Jeez.
He laughs, and continues.
SB: You know, everyone says you're going to kill yourself one of these days with these stunts... "Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know," well, just be careful, alright? I need you around.... Why? Heh.. dude, you're like a son to me, you know this. I wouldn't be doing my duty if I didn't give you a little grief about these things. Haha...
He reaches for his shake bottle, finally getting a moment to take a drink. He carries it over to his kitchen table and sits down.
SB: Oh yeah? What's your idea?...
He takes another sip, and with the bottle to his face, makes a surprised but amused face, finishes his drink, and replies.
SB: Dude, you know I retired, right?... Yeah, like, for real. Not a Ric Flair retirement, man, this is the real deal.... yeah, I know I just did it last year, I wasn't retired yet last year.... ha, "minor details." Look, I know you haven't seen me in a minute, but I'm looking like Gandalf the Gray over here. I'm trying to keep up on my fitness, but I'm just, my body can't do all that flippy shit anymore....
Another drink, and another laugh.
SB: You really won't take no for an answer, will ya?
He listens for a few moments, then his face lights up with a hint of surprise. He sighs with a smile.
SB: I mean, that's actually not a half-bad idea. Look, I can put in a call with the boss man, see what he thinks, but no guarantees, alright?.... Alright. Let me give him a call, I'll let you know.... Alright, later.
He ends the call, sets his phone down on the table, and has a little laugh to himself.
SB: That kid, I swear.
One more drink to finish off his shake, and he picks the phone back up. Scrolling through his contacts, he lands on "Wes Ikeda" and hits the call button. A couple rings, and a familiar voice answers.
SB: Heya, boss, how's things?.... Good, good. Look, I got a little idea to run by you concerning the pay-per-view coming up....
Steve stands up, and turns his back to the camera, walking off towards his living room. The camera stays put, and his voice grows fainter and fainter until he can't be heard any longer. As we see him sitting down in his recliner off in the distance, the video fades to black.