Just so you know, your signature is way too large and stretching the page, at least it is on my iPod.

Good start, Maybe try to expand a bit more. Describe the scene, say what Batista is wearing and what he's doing.

Also you have another few days left before the deadline so you can write more.

Rami Safraoui wrote:I'll try working with that advice .. Thanks :D

My best tip would be good read people like Ben, Miles, Ashlee, Jaun, or Cory's work. Sure I am forgetting some but you get the idea. But it was a solid debut can't wait to see where you go with Batista.

@Jon, so hurt I wasn't included...

Hey Rami,

I'm going to give you some feedback and I'm not going to sugarcoat it at all. :roll: I had a hard time reading this. It was a little here, a little there, and a little everywhere. I'm not sure if English is your first language, so I won't blow your brains all over the board. Before you take what I'm saying as negativity, in retrospect it's just a little tough love.

First thing first, punctuation. There was too much of that going on and some not used in the proper way. Try writing your work in Microsoft Word or another program that has the auto-correct tool. Secondly, capitalization. (I as in I, I, I, not i, i, i) That there is the quickest way to commit e-fed suicide. There is a difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit. Finally, if you ever need any help or advice then feel free to message me or just go out on your own and study these: http://s15.zetaboards.com/EBWFBoards/forum/36341/ There's a lot of helpful things here to help you on your way to becoming a great writer and hopefully a WINNER!!!

Will wrote:@Jon, so hurt I wasn't included...

Hey Rami,

I'm going to give you some feedback and I'm not going to sugarcoat it at all. :roll: I had a hard time reading this. It was a little here, a little there, and a little everywhere. I'm not sure if English is your first language, so I won't blow your brains all over the board. Before you take what I'm saying as negativity, in retrospect it's just a little tough love.

First thing first, punctuation. There was too much of that going on and some not used in the proper way. Try writing your work in Microsoft Word or another program that has the auto-correct tool. Secondly, capitalization. (I as in I, I, I, not i, i, i) That there is the quickest way to commit e-fed suicide. There is a difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit. Finally, if you ever need any help or advice then feel free to message me or just go out on your own and study these: http://s15.zetaboards.com/EBWFBoards/forum/36341/ There's a lot of helpful things here to help you on your way to becoming a great writer and hopefully a WINNER!!!

I sincerely apologize.