***
Backstage at the Phillips Arena in the ATL, two of the three divas of the “Mean Girls” were in their own secluded corner of the women’s locker room, what they referred to as a “No Flex Zone”. There was no showboating allowed within the zone, not even amongst the girls. They had to stay humble, and could only talk someone up if it were about another person. This also meant no trash talking, either. But most importantly, the No Flex Zone had to remain hater free. Even they couldn’t hate on other people. So The BOSS and her #1 Bestie, Summer Rae, were not their usual selves as they normally appeared to others.
Danielle Moinet: So are you excited, or nervous, or both?
Mercedes Varnado: I’m all of that, plus scared. AND I’m a hot mess right now! What if I pee myself out there in front of all those people!
Mercedes Kaestner-Varnado. The girl who was known to the world as Sasha Banks, was worried about peeing her pants in public. Se was already decked out in her high fashion leather jacket with its thousands of rivets. It was a dark blue, which matched with her ring gear for her match later on that night. As she said this, she put on her trademark shutter shades, this time silver, and also put on a pair of Beats Headphones. They were gold and bulky and stuck out obviously from the sides of her head. It wasn’t exactly her best fashion choice.
Danielle Moinet: How do you even see out of those things? Don’t they block most of your vision? If anything upsetting were to happen, it would be you falling one day.
Mercedes Varnado: Oh My G, don’t jinx it!
Too late. Mercedes wasn’t looking where she was going and tripped over her own luggage, but caught herself on the locker next to her to keep from falling all the way to the floor.
Mercedes Varnado: Ugh, that woulda been a disaster. I can’t walk out with bruises on this beautiful--
Danielle looked up at Mercedes, and clasped her hands together excitedly.
Danielle Moinet: Um, remember this is a No Flex Zone?!
Mercedes Varnado: Snap! I forgot, my bad. I just can’t help feeling so bougie sometimes, it makes me feel great. I mean, I am great, we all know--
Danielle Moinet: You’re sooo ready, almost too ready, Sasha. You should go now. Like, right now!
If you broke the rules of the No Flex Zone, you had to leave. But this was perfect timing for Mercedes Varnado, who was already in the mindset of Sasha Banks, HBIC. She was well into the process actually, and it was a matter of time before her character completely came through. “Mercedes” flipped her hair over her shoulder and did a suggestive catwalk out of the No Flex Zone to the middle of the locker room and spun around to face Danielle.
Sasha Banks: Like I was saying, I’m great and everyone and their momma’s gonna know that by the end of the night. So um, you stay here and get your humble on, but I’m ski-paddling out of here. I’ve got things to do, people to meet and places to be. BYEEEEEEE!
She waved to her best friend, and she waved back, and The BOSS left the room and walked out into the hallway. She nearly bumped into her modelesque and highly fashionable bestie #2, Eva Marie.
Sasha Banks: OH. MY. G. Eva, you look hot!
And it was true. When did Eva Marie NEVER look hot? She was wearing a white dress that went above the knee and pretty pumps to match it. She smiled at Sasha and hugged her.
Eva Marie: Good luck tonight, Sasha, I know you’ll do amazingly!
Sasha Banks: Awww, thanks boo. I know I will too, and next time you see me bet I have a brand new, shiny accessory!
Eva Marie: We’ll just add it to our collection!
The BOSS smiled and the two did the signature Mean Girls snap across their bodies in unison, before waving at each other and going their separate ways. Sasha was in the zone now. Well, outside the No Flex Zone, and in a completely different zone! THE Zone! She pulled out her iPhone 6 Plus, which was matching gold with her Beats Headphones, and turned the volume up on her music. “Diva” by Beyonce began to play and her day as Sasha Banks officially began. It was exactly 3pm when she checked the time, which also happened to be when she would start filming her promo video. She had been rehearsing it since the night after her match on Warfare, where she had already began coming up with ideas. The HBIC planned everything to where she would take it easy until show time, and not do anything too over the top. A cameraman was already waiting for her in the catering area. It would be a change of scene from what she originally had planned, but nothing else major would change. After confirming with the producer she found a chair and sat down, pulling out her iPhone and clicking away at the screen with her manicured nails. The Tweet she made was out in seconds for the world to see.
An alert immediately went off on her phone. She already had several replies and mentions in her notifications. She read one out loud.
Sasha smacked her lips and refused to let this Dee Diva, one of her biggest haters, harass her any longer.
Sasha Banks: Um, ok boo boo, you’ve got it. BLOCKED. How’s that for a swerve, bitch!?
The HBIC was satisfied with herself and decided that would be enough of any social media. She knew there would be more negative Tweets than that, and of course Instagram comments. She wasn’t going to let it waste any more of her time. She was in the zone!
Sasha Banks: I’ve got my hater blockers on tonight people. And of course, they’re high fashion. Who do I look like, AJ Lee?
She pointed to her shutter shades and her Beats.
Sasha Banks: My sunglasses block out the haters, opticularly, and of course, these Beats by another fellow BOSS, Dr. Dre, block out the noisy haters! The ones that want to try and bring me down. Tuh. Well not tonight. If you think I’ma let any of you jealous flunkies ruin my chance at becoming a champion you’re wrong. I’m a BOSS, and BOSSES stay in control! Tonight is extra special to me. If I win this match, my career will reach its highest point ever. But if I lose, I think I would be so embarrassed. I would have no reason to show my beautimous face to you all. So me losing tonight is not an option. Capris? Good.
She was supposed to say “Capiche” but it didn’t matter anyways. Capris were still highly fashionable if worn the right way, also, so it seemed fitting. She scooted forward to the edge of her seat as she continued talking.
Sasha Banks: Tonight is all about the good stuff for The HBIC! Everything will be golden, literally! I will finally get my hands on the real gold after I beat up that sorry ass AJ Lee. IDK how she even got her nasty hands on that title anyway! Who would even wanna touch that belt? Only God knows where they’ve been. Probably all in Dolph Zigglers greasy hair. Sorry boo… You’re hella cute and you dress nice, but that hair.. Ya needs to get some better product. Try John Frieda! It keeps the frizz down and your hair glossy. I guess your eyes too. Mine were extra glossy. Anyways, that’s besides the point. My point is, once AJ Lee loses she will have to go back to HoBROKEn in Jersey wherever she came from, and live with the hobos she obviously gets her fashion advice from.
She flipped her hair back over her shoulder again, careful not to get it caught in the headphones which were still blasting Queen Bey.
Sasha Banks: AJ Lee is such a disgrace. With as much moolah as she makes being a champion, you’d think she’d take better care of herself. Wax that one-brow she has, brush her teeth, get a boob job. Or just get boobs period. OH MY G!
She gasped and clutched a hand to her chest as she always did dramatically.
Sasha Banks: I know where all that money goes. She’s obviously paying off Dolph to be with her! That would explain an Adonis like him to get with a Herm-Aphrodite like her!
Of all the words Sasha Banks had botched in her entire life, hermaphrodite had probably been the one that actually made sense, even if she said it wrong.
Sasha Banks: Ew. So gross. So misfortunate. And sad. Just like when AJ Lee will no longer be women’s champ tonight! I don’t know about some of you people, but I like to be known as the BOSS and look good while doing it. Unlike AJ Lee, when I become EBWF Women’s champion, and your boo WILL, I will do my best to uphold it’s prestigity and take care of it as if it were my own child, while still managing to take care of myself. Lately it seems like AJ is even crazier than normal. Her hair is even more wild and tangly, like some ferald animal. I think she’s over eating from stress because she had trouble zipping up her dirty denim shorts the other day. I saw it all!
And she doesn’t even wear a real top anymore for her matches, just one of her t-shirts. Probably to hide her cupcake top. Tuh. That’s not cute boo boo! I have to tell you something, just give up and give up now. You need to prepare yourself for a life without glamour, where people CHOOSE to follow you around and take your picture because you’re a champion. All that will disapparate and change for you in three short seconds! If you don’t get it… I mean I’ll be pinning you. Duh. I hope you’re not stupid AND ugly! Actually… It would probably be more than three seconds because I will take a few minutes to celebrate my victory. I even have a speech prepared! But either way, you can kiss all your fans goodbye because they’ll hop on the Volkswagon to become MY fans! Because the BOSS will finally be the BOSS. And you can Bank on That.
The HBIC stood up from her chair, adjusting her headphones so they were no longer on her ears but around her neck instead.
Sasha Banks: All you haters can call me what you want because it doesn’t matter! The truth is, I will be a winner; one of the biggest winners tonight. AJ Lee can think of herself in whatever way she wants to. She can think she’s pretty, or lucky, or the best female athlete on this planet. But I hope she doesn’t think that cuz she’d be lying to herself… If she doesn’t wanna listen to me, fine. I don’t care! It won’t change the fact she will be a loser. These are things she can’t change. But all it’ll take for me, Sasha Banks, to bring this change up is to be a BOSS and step up. So all you haters can SWERVE! BYEEEEEEE.
A quick snap was performed in the direction of the camera, and Sasha Banks replaced her hater blocking headphones upon her ears. The music had already stopped, but she was walking to her own beat in her pretty little head as she made her way across the catering area to get ready for the pay-per-view that, whether she won or not, would be the stage of her biggest match to date. As she walked away, the camera caught her bumping into a crew member. Her voice was loudly wailing in the distance.
Sasha Banks: Ugh, excuse you! Why don’t you fall BACK while I get ready for FallOUT. Thank youuuus!
And then she stormed off again, until the video froze, signalling its end.
