The TD Garden in Boston was empty. The camera panned all the seats in the arena, and the empty ring before scanning up to the middle section of the seating area where it found Rated RKO, standing side by side, leaning on the metal railing and looking out over the vast space of the arena.
Edge: I guess it isn’t Wrestlemania season anymore.
Randy smirked.
Randy Orton What tipped you off? The venue or the card?
Edge: Little of column A, little of column B.
Randy Orton Got to hand it to you though, EBWF. You sure did… try?
Edge: It’s not the Dudleys, I guess.
Randy Orton Very low bar.
Edge: Oh, extremely low.
Randy Orton Sometimes it’s a good idea to come out here. Look at the set. Get a feel for the general atmosphere of a place. Get pumped up for the show.
Edge: It’s good for the soul, really. What isn’t though? What’s actually kind of draining and soul crushing?
Randy Orton The continued state of this damn tag division?
Edge: Yes, that’s the one.
Randy shook his head.
Randy Orton I know it’s kind of like beating a dead horse. We’ve been talking about how no one can beat us for the better part of two years. For the last two months we’ve been talking about all the tag teams in EBWF. All the guys who can’t touch us. There’s tag teams running all around here. The Dudleys, Kane and Maven, The Young Bucks, Guerrillas of Destiny… until a few weeks ago The Gunn Club was here. Jurassic Express was here. Not a single one of them can beat us, but honestly? It’s starting to look like none of you even want to try. I don’t mean to shoot on everyone, but honestly… you’re all pretty lazy.
Edge chuckled.
Edge: We know we’re kind of old school. We get it. We’re from an era where we couldn’t afford to be lazy. We couldn’t supplement our incomes on Twitch, TikTok and Only Fans. So we had to work for everything we have, and not make Youtube Blogs to get royalty checks. So what are you, fellas? Wrestlers or social media influencers?
Randy Orton You sure as hell aren’t champions. They had a whole tournament. Then they had a number one contender’s match. And the best EBWF had to offer was Ace Austin and KC Navarro from Legacy.
Edge: Dynasty.
Randy Orton Same thing.
Edge: Where the hell did you get Legacy?
Randy Orton Another life I guess.
Edge shrugged.
Randy Orton Right, Dynasty. Just a random bunch of indy guys holding on to MJF’s coattails and hoping for their moment in the sun.
Edge: We thought about how we were going to approach this. Because it’s real fun to come out here and act like we’re the ones that are confused. Pretend we don’t know which Austin we’re facing.
Randy Orton We can roll out the hits I guess.
Edge: Ace Austin. He’s that QAnon vegan guy with the sunglasses right?
Randy Orton No, that's Austin Aries. I have no idea who Ace Austin is.
Edge: Oh! Won the Last Survivor.
Randy Orton No, that’s Billy Gunn’s kid.
Edge: Drinks beers, flips people off?
Randy Orton You know damn well that’s Stone Cold Steve Austin…
Edge: Takes self…
Randy Orton I swear to god if you ask me about Austin Theory…
Edge: There are really a lot of Austin’s in wrestling these days.
Randy Orton We didn’t even talk about Buddy Austin!
Edge: Who?
They both looked at the camera and grinned.
Randy Orton See, we could do that. But why would we?
Edge: Why would we, when there is so much to be said about KC Navarro and Ace Austin.
Randy Orton Is your only function to protect MJF? It kind of seems like it.
Edge: Almost like Paul Heyman’s only function is to sabotage The Miz?
Randy Orton Kind of, yeah. See fellas, here’s what’s gonna happen. We’re gonna beat you to retain the championships. Just like we’ve beaten everyone else. We’re going to send you back to Dynasty for MJF’s approval, and I have to imagine he isn’t going to be happy with you.
Edge: We’re really struggling with the fact that you two were the best EBWF could do. That on a roster full of incredible talent, allegedly incredible teams that this was the answer? These are the guys that are supposed to be able to solve the puzzle of Rated RKO?
Randy Orton Since you so helpfully pointed out that Edge and I are old enough to be your fathers…
Edge: Me maybe, but you?
Randy Orton I know, I’m 15 years older than Ace Austin, but he wanted to be edgy I guess. Anyway… they called us daddies, so boys… let us teach you a valuable lesson. You will never reach your potential doing the bidding for someone else, and you’ve stepped up to seize that brass ring just a bit too late.
Edge: And while we appreciate your adulation and respect, and it will definitely get you a beer at the bar and a chat about how to be the best wrestler you can be, it won’t win you this match.
Randy Orton And while you are bragging about doing moves that I didn’t even know existed, I’d like to point out that we have forgotten more about professional wrestling than you’ve ever known and there is absolutely nothing you could do to surprise us. We’re not passing the torch. EBWF isn’t moving on to some fresh new thing.
Edge: It’s an old adage that rings true. Y’all aren’t fit to lace up our boots. Let alone try to walk in them.
Randy Orton It’s healthy to have a bit of hope, but to tell you the truth yours is coming off as a bit delusional.
Edge: But since it seems you’ve learned soooo much from us, let us give you yet another lesson…
Randy Orton No one just waltzes into the EBWF Tag Team Title picture and takes these belts from us.
Edge: …we don’t play well with others. And we’re not super interested in making all your dreams come true. Though we sure do wish we had the ability to let you go back in time and tell your school aged selves that when you grow up you’re gonna get to be on the wrong end of an RKO!
Randy Orton If they did that, they’d also have to tell their younger selves that they’re carrying MJF’s bags and doing his laundry. MJF’s probably gonna take it pretty hard when his little security team doesn’t come home with the gold.
Edge: But don’t worry fellas, we’re sure he won’t be mad. Just disappointed.
Edge and Randy both smirked into the camera, confident in their impending victory as the scene faded to black.
