Sword of Damocles

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Cory
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Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2012 2:59 pm
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Sword of Damocles

Post by Cory »

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We’re really glad that you’re our friend, and this is a friendship that will never, ever end!

The brightly pastel colored set of the Firefly Funhouse came into focus as the sound of children cheering and applauding filled the studio walls. Instead of the purveyor of this establishment however, the spotlight pointed at the sole man in the room. He had a look of terrified acceptance of his role.

Paul Heyman: Ladies and Gentlemen. My name...

He looked around and sighed.

Paul Heyman: ...is Paul Heyman. And I am the appointed advocate and consigliere to the reigning... defending... undisputed EBWF World Champion...

The lights went out in the Funhouse. The only remaining source of light was the dim illumination from one functioning leko above the stage. It was aimed in Paul Heyman's direction and it bathed him in a blood red hue. Into the dim, red light stepped an imposing figure, dawning a leather jacket, pinstriped wrestling pants, and a horrifying mask.

Paul Heyman: The Fiend.

The Fiend looked down at the EBWF World Championship that was clasped around his waist. Then he looked back at the camera and tilted his head menacingly.

Paul Heyman: And I'm about to be perfectly candid with all of you tonight. When I first brought Bray Wyatt and The Fiend into the world of EBWF, I had plans. Plans to destroy Rated RKO. Plans to wreak havoc, plans to undermine EBWF leadership and prove that I deserve a seat at the table when it comes to steering this company where it needs to go. Those were my plans. But, as you can see...

Paul gestured towards the current EBWF World Champion.

Paul Heyman: The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. I was arrogant, and I was ignorant of the power that I was bringing to this place. I took Bray Wyatt and the Fiend for granted, and the price for that sin was one of the most horrifying, frightening times of my life. But then... that hell that I was thrown into offered something I did not expect. Clarity.

Heyman breathed deep.

Paul Heyman: And perspective.

The Fiend looked in his direction, the unnerving smile drawn on his mask giving Heyman the creeps.

Paul Heyman: The fiend was to be my Sword of Damocles. My weapon against the sources of power in this company. A way to initiate change. In that way I thought of him as a tool. But the reality is probably what you might expect. I was the tool. I was the vehicle the Fiend needed to infest the EBWF and assert his dominance in the greatest wrestling promotion in the world.

Heyman shook his head.

Paul Heyman: But that's when it dawned on me that fate put me in the exact position I needed to be. It was never going to be me brandishing The Fiend as a weapon against my enemies. It was The Fiend, utilizing me to gain access to his. And I may not love it, but I've realized that this is the role I was meant to play for The Fiend. So here I am, representing Bray Wyatt and his angel of vengeance as he reigns supreme at the top of the EBWF as it's World Champion. And speaking of reigns...

Heyman gave that signature slimy smirk to the camera.

Paul Heyman: Why don't we talk about the real reason we're all here. The King of the Ring! The man who earned his chance to compete for the EBWF World Championship. Xavier Woods.

Paul shook his head as he chuckled lowly. He rubbed his forehead with his hand, almost snickering.

Paul Heyman: Oh, Xavier Xavier Xavier. Your timing is terrible, my royal friend. Any other season in recent EBWF history and your might be waking up as the EBWF World Champion on Monday morning. Hell, if it was the Miz, you'd be World Champion and barely bruised. But you manage to finally become and ACTUAL King in the era of the Fiend. An elemental force that a deluded fool like yourself cannot hope to comprehend. The Fiend is a sickness, he's a virus in the system. And you? Someone who dressed in Kings robes before he ever even earned the mantle? A royalty cosplayer who wants to be a real boy? No, my friend. This is not going to happen for you. There are a thousand men across in a thousand towns in this world that all would lie, cheat, and steal to have your spot. And you walk around calling yourself a King, and yet you have no kingdom. You have no authority, title, or deed of greatness that would earn that title.

Paul smiled.

Paul Heyman: Or at least you didn't before this summer. You actually went out there and did it. You became the King of the Ring. You did that. And for that, I applaud you. I suppose it really is true that you dress for the job you want, not the job you have. But a few meager months of legitimacy do not forgive an entire career of deceit and delusion. And as you stand waiting at the Gateway to Glory, you are judged. Your deeds laid bare, your lies exposed, your life on full display. But I think you already know what the verdict is, don't you? You see what awaits you at the end of the night. You see what you are up against in your one and only chance at the EBWF World Championship. It's obvious. You've been found guilty. That's the only logical explanation for being thrust into the ring with the Fiend. You are going to--

Paul looked around as the lights suddenly went out again. When they came back up seconds later, The Fiend was gone. And to Paul Heyman's dismay, he was replaced by the owner of the Funhouse himself, Bray Wyatt. Bray was dressed in his maroon sweater with black jeans, and a pair of black gloves. He clapped excitedly as his theme song resumed.

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: OhmygoshohmygoshogmygoshPaul! What'd I miss?!

Paul Heyman: You, um... well I was just...

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: Were you cutting a promo on behalf of our mutual friend, Paulie?!

Paul Heyman: I...well yes. Yes I was.

Bray chuckled and patted Paul on the shoulder.

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: I have to tell ya, consigliere. I think he loves it when you do that! You're so talented at the gift of gab!

Paul, flabbergasted, just nodded his head.

Paul Heyman: I, well.. thank you Bray.

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: You're welcome, chief! So hey, gosh were we talking about "King Xaver?!"

Bray dramatically used air quotes as he stared directly into the screen.

Paul Heyman: Yes, that's right.

Bray clapped excitedly, a bright smile from ear to tattooed ear.

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: King Xavier! I'm so excited! How often does one get the opportunity to get in the ring with a bona fide member of a royal family! This is truly an honor. You know Xavier, you and I are a lot alike, surprisingly. We're both pro wrestlers. We would both do better as a court jester than as an actual king. And we both pipe in crowd noise to our segments for effect!

Bray jumped up and down and clapped as the track of cheering kids played in the studio. He laughed as Paul looked on, totally nonplussed about this whole situation.

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: Ah man, I crack me up. But anyway, Xavier I have some important things to teach you at Gateway to Glory. And I'm so happy to share a piece of me with you! You see, when people get into the ring with me, win or lose, they change. Forever. And that's what I want for you, King Xavier! You've spent your entire EBWF career pretending to be something you're not. Life is not always about how you look to others, Xavier! It's about who you really are inside. And that's what I am going to do for you, my friend. I'm going to rip into your insides, see what's in there, move everything around, and stitch you back together again good as new. You'll feel like a whole new man, if you survive!

Bray smiled unnervingly.

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: But I'm told you insist that you're a King, and that you've always had the royal blood.

He tapped his chin, deep in contemplation. Then, he smiled suddenly, a big light bulb popping up above his head.

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: I've got it! I've got an idea to prove it! I think what we should do is get a blood sample to prove if you really are royalty! This plan is foolproof! Right, Paulie?!

Paul, looking visibly disturbed, nodded meakly.

Paul Heyman: Sounds like a fantastic idea, sir.

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: You bet it is! Oh, but one minor hiccup. We'll probably mess the test up a bunch of times, so we should probably get a large sample.

He had another epiphany, but this one caused him to form a devilish smirk on his features.

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: How convenient that he's going to be in the ring with him tonight. I'm sure that match alone with provide us with more than enough to prove his royalty.

Bray silently contemplated the upcoming violence, but suddenly realized the camera was still rolling. He smiled brightly and waved at the camera.

"Funhouse" Bray Wyatt: Funhouse Bray's got to go to the store and pick up some beakers, kids! Have a great day!

The Funhouse theme song played as the children cheered and the scene faded to black.
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