Tricky Dicky

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TheDynasty
Posts: 59
Joined: Thu Nov 18, 2021 3:27 pm

Tricky Dicky

Post by TheDynasty »

The following announcement has been paid for by Maxwell Jacob Friedman.

Richard Holliday was shown wearing a dWo logo t-shirt and drinking from a Dynastic Coffee mug.

Holliday: Oh hi, I didn’t see you over there. Are you tired of looking like a schmuck? Or maybe you’re tired of drinking the same muddy water that your friends call coffee? Well for a limited time only, if you buy this exquisitely-designed and ultra-classy T-shirt to show your support for the greatest faction in the history of EBWF, you can get 50% off a pack of Rarefied Air coffee, because the only thing better than breathing rarefied air is drinking it.

The preceding announcement has been paid for by Maxwell Jacob Friedman.

The slightly bemused crowd began to boo as they heard the familiar opening of “Better Than You.” MJF stepped out onto the stage, microphone in hand. He gestured as if he were wafting the air towards his nose.

MJF: Cut my music, cut my music. You know something that’s truly better than breathing in rarefied air? Breathing in all of the disappointment, self-loathing and bitterness filling the air in here. And what’s that? I think i’m getting a whiff of envy, because you’re all jealous of the fact that you’re from Louisiana and I’m from the most magical place on Earth, Long Island, New York!

The boos intensified as MJF smirked and made his way down the ramp and into the ring. He looked at a member of the audience holding a sign that read “MJF kicked my dog.”

MJF: That’s libel, don’t make me call Richard’s lawyer slash father. I haven’t even met your mother, let alone kicked her... I have met the guy next to you’s mother though. She did such a good JOB of BLOWing that I called her Katrina… So, N’awlins. Home of Dick Starks.

The crowd cheered.

MJF: Now people, albeit it uneducated and uncultured people, sometimes compare Dick and myself. We’re both young, although I’m younger. We’re both considered to be charismatic and good on the stick, although I’m more charismatic and better on the stick, and we’ve both achieved quite a lot in a short time, although I’ve achieved more in a shorter time. But you know something, the more I thought about it, the more I decided that when I see Ricky Starks, it is like looking in a mirror. Not because we’re the same, but because he’s my opposite. Sure, there are some similarities as I just mentioned, but in many ways, we’re completely different. He’s from a shithole like Louisiana, and I’m from a real state like New York. I’m rolling in money, and he’s as poor as…well, Louisiana on the whole. He’s a botch artist, and I’m a pro-wrestling prodigy. And to top it all off, he actually gives a shit what you people think and want, whereas I see you as the worthless, bottom-feeding welfare claimants that you are. I’d make a joke about the cheap seats, but when you’re in New Orleans all the seats are so cheap they were probably donated by FEMA. I know I shouldn’t be making light of acts of God, but I think this might genuinely be the first time I’ve wrestled in a place that was so, so crappy that even God tried to throw it in his heavenly waste paper basket and start over.

Now, I know that Dick was supposed to wrestle Gargano last week, and I know you were all left wondering what happened and why that match didn’t take place. Well you see, our genius booking team decided that they’d have a week without a single member of the dWo on the card, and instead they gave our spot to Tricky Dicky and Johnny Gargano, but were majorly disappointed when neither of those dumb sons of bitches could find the goddamned arena.


MJF paused for a second as he caught what he’d said and slowly looked up to the rafters.

MJF: Phew, I think we’re good. I always get a bit worried talking about God damning things when I’m in New Orleans, just in case…y’know…we don’t want a repeat, am I right? Anyway, as I was saying, neither of those chumps could manage to find either the arena or the testicular fortitude to show up and compete, meaning that Dick’s EBWF debut gets to be in front of his hometown fans. Isn’t that great? He might actually be able to locate the building this time. I know that people tend to throw around excuses for this guy, “Ricky had a fractured neck,” “maybe his neck hasn’t healed,” yada yada yada, but I’m here to set the record straight. Those reports about Starks fracturing his neck? HORSESHIT! I realise that I’m not exactly standing in the intellectual capital of the world tonight, but even with your limited knowledge of human anatomy, you must realise that it is physically impossible to fracture your neck if you’re a spineless coward. And Dick, I know that’s what you are. Deep down, every single one of these people chanting your name knows that’s what you are. I know and you know that you probably won’t even show up later tonight, because you know that my name is Maxwell Jacob Friedman, and I’m better than you, and you know it.

“Better Than You” hit again as MJF flipped off a fan in the front row and headed back to the dWo locker room.
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